Ben Curtis: On being a Creation Coach, the Dell Dude, and going after your dreams with abandon.
Ben Curtis is a magician, award-winning actor, musician, and public speaker. He is also a Creation Coach dedicated to creating more love, compassion, and permission to go after your dreams with abandon.
You also probably recognize Ben as the iconic "The Dell Dude” from the Dell commercials in the early 2000s. Dell recently brought him back to kick off a new campaign. I can’t help but feel like somehow this is the circle of life. It truly is magical.
Ben and I have been meaning to record this podcast for quite some time since we are neighbors in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. What most people don’t know about “The Dell Dude” is that Ben is a really talented actor. Having studied at the best institutions. He attended New York University’s Tisch School of the Arts on an acting scholarship based on his audition. He studied at Tisch's Experimental Theater Wing (both in America and Amsterdam). Ben also attended the Lee Strasberg Institute & the Atlantic Theater Company.
This podcast was really inspiring and happened right when his Dell spots went live. It was inspiring to speak about dreams past and present. Dream on and share this episode with someone who would appreciate it.
Transcript
Yulia Laricheva 0:11 It's recording, but it's so nice to see you outside of Williamsburg. I used to run into Grand Morelos diner all the time.
Ben Curtis 2:36 Yes. Yeah. Love, love that place. That was home for me. And I created a lot there actually, with started writing my dude, you're getting a sell. One man show kind of about freedom for my own suffering. And that sort of turned into my dude, you're getting well, podcast and book and brand that I'm about to launch. And that'll start even before I knew the Dell was going to come back. I mean, this goes way back. But this has been in the works for like 10 years. What's so cool about you is both you and your partner and your baby daddy and family members, you know, are all part of my history and life as an artist. And we're all that sourced from and moving to New York. And we were all taking risks, and really putting ourselves out there and going to the source and our paths. And I think it's no coincidence that we're here again, like, I don't know, years later. 10 years later. Well, you know, it's so funny.
Yulia Laricheva 3:39 When did you move to New York? How long have you been in New York? So I grew up in Connecticut. So I was always coming into New York, but I didn't move till 2004, and I moved to Spanish Harlem. And then I kept them like going to Williamsburg because my best friend lived in Williamsburg. But I couldn't afford it even back then.
Ben Curtis 3:59 Yeah, I mean, when I moved, there was still I mean, it was starting to change. Like some photographers like fashion photographers are moving in, like did some model shoot in a warehouse, but it was always felt dangerous to walk down the streets is mostly just warehouses. And well, when I moved to Williamsburg, it was 2000 and probably two maybe and my friends who had moved to Bushwick were routinely getting mugged. And that was part of, you know, the the pushback from gentrification because most of these people were white. And that's when I really you know, I wanted to live amongst other minorities in New York that was really important to me, like a boy from the south, like, I wanted to live with other cultures. And I was so surprised at how segregated New York was, but then I learned so much about gentrification and you know everything about systematic stuff there, you know, I got arrested and I saw the system and I you know, but just learning about that and the impact we have have on the world was really eye opening, especially as an artist and just in that place and then Williamsburg became so white. I was like, I gotta get the fuck out of here.
Yulia Laricheva 5:08 I know I know well, it's really gosh — it's such an interesting convo I had my friend, Coby Kennedy on who's an amazing artist from Williamsburg. And he's been there as long as we have. And it's an interesting conversation to have, because we are artists, right? So we move somewhere where there's cheap rent, and then we raise up the rent. And in a way, obviously, we're white. We're artists, we contribute to gentrification, and we become the people that like ruin the neighborhood. So it's such a loaded conversation, right? Because it's like, where do artists go, we have nowhere to go. So we go to the affordable neighborhoods, which happened to be usually dominated by minorities. And, you know, Williamsburg is such an interesting conversation, because it's so segregated. I mean, it's still a segregated idea of so many different neighborhoods, and it can be a whole entire discussion. And I'm going to derail if I start talking about it. And I want to focus on you and your work. Because it's so funny, because I grew up watching your commercials, I grew up watching you as like the Dell kid, right? Like, you were just, you were just everywhere in 2003 2005, like, you can turn on the TV and not SEO. And then I became a creative director and advertising. So I started working, and I started like, creating brands and, and doing that. So it's like an honor to be speaking to an actual cultural icon. You are like the Pillsbury Doughboy. You're like the Maytag guy, you are, you are forever, your forever cultural history.
Ben Curtis 6:36 Thank you. Thank you for that acknowledgment received. Yeah, it's a lot to be responsible for and absorb. I moved to New York because I wanted to be the source of and you said something about artists, I want to go back to what you said because this is going to segue into this said, you know, like, we don't have anywhere to go, we have to move into affordable neighborhoods, can't afford to go anywhere else. And then we ruin everything. There are all these things we've been programmed with. And that's, you know, that's, for those of us listening, there are two light-skinned people here, you know, that probably there's some privilege definitely privileged associated that and we're creating that there's no place for ourselves as artists, right. So that's something we actually get to be responsible for. And that's something I really dealt with, I felt like I had to be the suffering artist, I was different. I was sensitive, you know, coming from the south, that was not cool. Being that sensitive, and in touch with my feminine side, like even women didn't appreciate it, then. So coming to New York, where there was, I put myself at risk, too. We all that was fine about risk. You know, I was a boy from Chattanooga, Tennessee, and I put myself in the, you know, one of the most expensive, difficult to get into schools, you know, educationally Not to mention, like, you know, GPA and auditioning all this stuff. And I really wanted to find a place where I could thrive and where I can be myself and I was coming from this, like, systematic, Southern man place. And it was really confusing. And it was in New York, where I found permission to express myself where I found the courage to go to local African American owners who grew up in the neighborhood. I mean, I lived in a building in Washington Heights that had multiple generations of people who grew up there, including Prince was someone who used to come in the building of found out like, years ago when he was a little boy. And we got to know the little boys that we heard stories about from the elders in the building, who have now grown adults there. And, you know, we asked local communities like, and business owners, like what can we do? How can we contribute? And what I learned through all of this and through college and through becoming an artist is that well, first of all, I had a lot of limiting beliefs about who I was, and what was possible. And so get becoming the Dell dude and trying to understand all the opportunities I had, they, I couldn't comprehend it, they were terrifying. And I didn't know how to be an artist and make a lot of money and hold on to money and use the money for good. Now thought money was bad, and I had to suffer to be an artist. And it wasn't until I went into recovery, that I stopped suffering and I learned I could actually thrive and there's tools to help yourself and that actually our language is so you know, we can create the whole thing that's come together through this so you inspired me was co-creating. And I've sort of started to tag myself like a creator and a co-creator and a creation coach. So I talk about how we can co-create with our environment, how can we co-create with wherever we go, I mean, that's our job. That's why we need art. In times where we're all suffering or when things are stale or there's a pandemic we need some people to come into the community and think about the greatest art you see are people who literally come into the community like Basquiat and take what they're saying and put it up on the walls and work with people to create art and that's, you know, that's what we're doing in this podcast is like, let's come together from wherever our different worlds are and see what we have in common and can co-create. Thank you for listening so generously. I really believe in that we can we can create anything and...Right, so one thing I'm doing on them, I love to ask questions I work you got listed in spaces outside of coaching or podcasts, you know, just asking questions and listening to people around me and an elder. So I'm really grateful to be here and grateful for your listening.
Yulia Laricheva 10:24 I'm really grateful for your speaking because you have a lot to share. And I was gonna also add that, you know, I was just thinking as you're speaking that the pandemic is probably also affected, kind of like democratized creativity in a weird way. So now you can kind of be anywhere and you don't have to be in New York, you don't have to be in those neighborhoods. And you don't have to, you know, you don't have to be gentrifying. And so I put it, you know, you can be created anywhere you want, which is anywhere in the wishes. Like, I think the opportunity for creative people is now so huge, and I hope that kind of levels, that real estate, and I hope that you know, it doesn't attribute to people being pushed out of their neighborhoods, which is awful. And, and I hope that communities to now thrive because people can have more access to the internet, which you, which is a bigger discussion, like who gets access to the internet and how neighborhoods and schools and all that, but again, I'm derailing because I can derail for forever.
Ben Curtis 11:21 Well, we talked about Dell. And you know, that's how I created why I came to do Dell, you know, and I was actually teaching yoga in high schools in the Bronx when this happened when the pandemic had, I was touring with my band, I was trying to figure out what to do, auditions were gone. You know, a lot of the work I was doing in person, as a yoga teacher, and healer, and speaker were gone. And so we all had to out-create ourselves, every business had to get creative. So now we're all creators, and we're getting to work. I work with someone daily in the Philippines, and in Los Angeles, and in Australia, and in Connecticut, their children in the background. And what's so beautiful about the zoom and your child now is that like, we can work from home and have children be part of our lives running around where that used to be not okay. And we had to keep those things separate. Like now we're getting to include our families. Why hide that part of parenthood when it's like, why can't they be part of our entrepreneurship, or whatever you're creating? They are, but it's still nice to have a little office that's a little further down. The boundaries are great, great. And we don't have to ignore it anymore. That's fine. I'm just saying like, how can we do these things that say we say like, oh, no, that's a boundary for me. I can't, I can't share that my life, right? I think it's beautiful, and who you are as a mother. And what you shared with me was really inspiring.
Yulia Laricheva 12:43 I just bring it all and you know, it is what it is. But you know, speaking of kids, I was gonna ask you, what was your dream as a kid?
Ben Curtis 12:55 Going back, I already know the answer. But I'm just tapping into it. I've just come from a four-hour session where I got to co-facilitate a whole innovative session for a man creating his life. And we got to dream a lot. And so I've been in this beautiful dream space. And it's, it's just so wild that we're other three, cast that germination was. So I was like, oh my god, I'm going to Dream Nation. This is perfect. So my dream is a child. At first, my dream was to be what I call myself, a Pedia Vet, I wanted to be a pediatrician for children and their animals so that they could come together, we didn't have to go to different spaces. But even before that, if I go a little further back, like 1984, I was four years old, I had a chance to meet David Copperfield not only meet him to be in one of his illusions. I believe the stage manager of the local Auditorium in Chattanooga, went to our church and you needed a child ahead of time. And I was the perfect candidate. My dad was the preacher there was like a born performer. But I was deathly shy. And you know what I was too. I was so scared. And I said no. And we went to see David Copperfield. I remember it's still 1984 Four years old. Now, remember saying I can I can literally describe the entire illusion from start to finish and where the other boy was, where I could have been in my place. And I was pretty crushed after that, that I said, No, but it was a great lesson. And my parents gave me a magic kit. And by the time I was 13, I'd started my own business as a magician, but my dream really was to be a magician. I realized I wanted to create magic. Inside a tumultuous home at times I saw that humor could be magic and magic could really help transform people's minds and I started even using magic as a teenager I had a whole illusion about my parents like to the music of Wonder Years that Joe Cocker song for my friends and like a whole visual of like my family splitting apart and a whole theatrical piece where, in my dreams, my parents come back together. And I realized I was working through all my family stuff and through magic. And the more I studied magic, I saw it as this incredible vehicle, where you can literally create anything. So any kind of healing, any kind of transformation, any kind of dream, and these things would always come to me speaking of dream nation, right, as I was about to fall asleep, right, and we've learned how to call it our theta, state brainwaves. And now I actually teach into Theta Healing and know how to access theta waves through sound healing, and through your own vocal work and through work with other people and Yoga Nidra there are yoga ways you can do it. But in that theta state is where, you know, suddenly the trains come in that, like it was always like, right when I was about to fall asleep, even as a teenager, I kept a notebook by my bed. Because I started dreaming these solutions, we just hit me and I used to shut them down. And I'd hear songs and I used to just play them out. And that's still what happens today. And I've learned from one of my favorite teachers and, and really peers that I work with a lot Daniel Tuttle he's a healer and an intuitive and he said, You know, that's, that's a clear audience. That's a gift. That's your intuition. And we all have intuition. And we all dream in different ways. And the way I used to dream, I realized this how gifts, and why not learn to use them and talk about them? And if we don't talk about them, how, how is it ever going to be okay, I've received messages and same thing like how I hear songs, as a songwriter and channel that that's, you know, that's intuition to nurture that. And we all have that gift. So I realized these dreams as a child was still something that I could, you know, I still do magic to the state. I love that. And you know, I'm intuitive too, and I don't really talk about it. And I think, you know, you can only talk about it with certain people, because it really freaks people out. I do it on stage with my band. Right? I've done it. Like, I'll surprise people on occasion. And what is that is actually your voice? Like one of my favorite questions, when you hear something is like, who does that belong? So yeah, it was to be a magician, I really, and I really believe in the power of dreaming and dreaming with our inner child, right? Like that voice that beats you up? Like, is that your voice? Or is that some parent needs to talk to you that way? Or some old way used to? I love that question. You know, or is that like, an intuition you're getting? Should you maybe write that down? Or listen, it's a trip. It's like, if you really like allow yourself to listen to yourself, right? And like, are responsive to it. It's really interesting what you tell yourself. People's own intuition scares them. It's like, Oh, my God, how could you be that? You know, but I thought to it, you know, I suppress the song all day, last week, and I finally realized, Oh, something started to come out of me, I just picked up I believe we all have intuition. Just whatever programming or, or whatever society's told you that you can't, it's hard. Within literally four minutes, I had a song done from start to finish. And then I went back about my day. But I was saying no, I can't do this right now I have to work or shouldn't or that's weird or whatever. Right? We have this amazing universe, God-given whatever you believe in after focus. And, you know, if we get out of our own way, sometimes like our guests can come through. And so getting to ask these questions, I think is really beautiful access to that.
Yulia Laricheva 18:36 How did you learn about your intuition? You know, that my grandma was intuitive, and she would have these dreams. And she would be like, Oh, we just dropped we have relatives coming that we don't know about that we've never met and we grew up in Russia, so we didn't have phones. And like two weeks later, randomly, like some relatives should show up on the doorstep. And they would be like, Hey, dude, like we are your cousins. So it was just like all these like, things like that. And then like my grandmother was clairvoyant, so she could see. Yeah, so my grandma was clairvoyant.
Yulia Laricheva 18:40 The things were like clear audience clairvoyant. Claire-sentient. I'm learning all these different things.
Yulia Laricheva 18:51 Yeah, one of those two. My mom does not have it. I have it. But so I'm wondering if it skips a generation. I don't know. With me, I just that I like, it can be a whole entire podcast, but like if your mom…
Ben Curtis 19:27 Well, can I just share an intuition I received?
Yulia Laricheva 19:31 Yes.
Ben Curtis 19:31 And I see this often. Like, we skipped generations, you know, you're like, have these two parents are actors, and suddenly they have a kid who's a scientist, and they're like, they are like, my mom was a French teacher. And I was like, ah, like, by the time it came time to learn, I learned I wanted to learn Spanish. Then I actually learned French but now I wish I had learned Spanish but it was like French now. You know, my dad was a minister and I was like, religion. Yeah. But you know those things can actually be a gift. Right. And, you know, children can be naturally you think about the teenage phase we can, we can be responsive and rebellious to something. And so often I found if parents, in my experience working with people observing people throughout my life was an actor to, you know, I see that if a parent is like over-sexualized, like a child may be like more conservative, or if parents are more conservative child may want to be like more sexual, you know, in the ways that we didn't get permission. And so I see, I had an intuition that maybe your mom, like, if you're, if her grandmother's always the intuitive one like maybe that's not something that she wanted to tap into, you know, maybe it served her to go a different way. And, and perhaps she has, you know, great gift, but that can be really confronting or, or whatnot. And because you didn't have to raise me raised directly around your grandmother that you actually got the gift to kind of you had a little bit more space to find yours again, you know, and then find out oh, my grandmother has that too.
Yulia Laricheva 21:06 Yeah, I don't know, who knows. But I'm like it. I think my grandma and I were more empathetic than my mom. So I'm like, I'm not surprised, because I think my mom was like, she's sweet. But like, on the empathy end, something just skipped a generation. There's like, so I wonder if those are related. But again, I want to come back to you. How did you start a professional magic business at the age of 13? And then how did that lead you to Tisch?
Ben Curtis 21:33 If you want to know the name of it, I can I tell you. First I was called Ben Copperfield. And I had an assistant, it was my best friend up the street, Jordan Parker, who's still a very close friend of mine today, he was in my wedding. And then it was called “If it's magic”, so “If it's magic, it's Ben Curtis” and I had these like black cards with like, gold, flashy material, and my dad would take me to Kinko's and we would like, take photos and cut them out in hand make, like trifold flyers that I would hand out. And it was my I realized my dad was so creative, and resourceful, and supportive of me as an artist, as a kid to take me to do something like that. And my mom the whole time, you know, our generations, parents, my parents, parents were raised in the depression. So there, my mom really was like, be careful with your money, be intentional with your money only spend within your means, get a real job. Always. She wanted me to get a real job bagging groceries. And I was like, Mom, I'm making like, $50 an hour doing magic. I'm not gonna make $250 bagging groceries all day, you know. And actually, I started making money doing what I love. So there was something the permission of going after your dreams and being supported in that, and we're not always.
Yulia Laricheva 22:47 And it doesn't always seem safe to your parents, because sometimes they're not intuitive enough to see it. It takes a special parent to actually see, like, dreams are so personal. So no, it's like a personal movie, right? Not everybody can see the movie that's playing in your head. And I was gonna ask you like, how did you get from doing your business to applying to Tisch? I mean, you went to so many schools, I'm like, wait, where are my notes? I gotta look into it. Like you have an incredible acting background. You went to, you got a full scholarship to the school, the arts, because they saw your audition, and they were like, blown away the age of 18. And so you got a Tisch as a part of NYU. So for anyone listening, NYU was like the best acting program to get probably go to if it's just, it's, it's absolutely incredible. Then you also studied, let's say, you said the Lee Strasberg Institute and the Atlantic Theatre Company, and then you were at the Tisch Experimental Wing, both in America and Amsterdam. I mean, those are like some serious acting credits. You know, there's commercial work, and there's, there's theater and you have the chops to be able to do commercial work really? Well. You can, you can play a surfer dude in the 90s. You know what I mean? Like, you, you know, your type, and you can do it. So I just want to give you a shout-out to your incredible acting skills, because again, like, my husband always talks about how amazing you are, and how talented you are. And we have mutual friends that were in NYU with you together. So it's like, you know, like, I just want to give you a shout out.
Ben Curtis 24:21 And I think he's so awesome and talented. Thank you so much for saying that. You know, I really appreciate that. I tell so many people, it's great if you got a great grade, it's not necessarily going to make or break your audition. I don't think I've ever gotten something because I had a degree or not. But I did something because I really cared about it. And that was actually something I grappled with as a Dell guy. You know, I saw myself getting fame or an agent or success would take forever. And so my like summer after my sophomore year, I started sending you know, out headshots, and I actually stayed in New York for summer and I walked my headshots in the offices and was told no or that and actually, I started getting a couple of opportunities. Some people are like, wow, this guy has some balls, you know? Yeah, I really hustled for that. And so when it happened, it happened so quickly. One of my friends Mike Dixon, NYU was in Stern School of Business when the hardest business school to get it, but he was auditioning for commercials. I was like, Dude, you're, I'm the actor here, brother up, you know. And he was working with his friend's mom, who's a manager, and her name is Renata English. And now we're still working together. 22 years later, that she started sending me out. It's like within a month. This went on the Dell commercial, I was the only kid without my mom. I was 19. The audition was 13 to 17-year-olds. I just played younger. So my voice and everything how I look, sound feel, and moves were actually purposeful. It was intentional. It's a part of me, yes. But it's also like to serve what I really felt I could bring to that role. And then when it took off what I was so afraid of, as I started noticing myself get put in all these stoner roles, and I literally thought my career was going to be over. I remember all I could think is I want to be taken seriously. And I want to do Shakespeare and I want to be on Broadway. I'm a theater guy and I was wrestling with it. And I was working with Abrams Artists on both coasts and flying to both coasts. And this incredible thing happened this guy gave me his wife was a big fan of mine and she was like seventy years old and his name was is Henry Dorman. And he ran Leaders Magazine, he ran the inner leaders interviewed leaders of the world. And his wife wanted to have me at her birthday party. And he like hired me, brought me to his office, he had his private driver pick me up at a Rolls Royce and for payment took me to get a Brioni Italian custom Tux was like $5,000, I got like the double of seven cuts. I mean, it's still in my closet, I'm terrified to like, even wear this thing. So expensive it is. But it was such a gift. And we went to the Rainbow Room. I share all of this because that same man a year later took me out to lunch with Tony Randall. Before Tony Randall passed, he was in the original Odd Couple. And I was so I was wracked with what to do at this time. And I said, Tony, he huge star because this guy was doing me a favor. And he said, ask Tony anything. I said, you know, I want to be I want to go to LA, I'm getting all this. But I want to be an artist. And he said, Listen, if you want to be a movie star, go to LA if you want to be an artist stay in New York. And I was like, that's all I needed, or Tony Randall will be, you know, so I stayed in New York and I went with theater, and I didn't. And I always wondered like, oh, man, did I mess up? There are so many opportunities in LA I still have this friend, he tells me every month I should re highlight my hair and move back to LA he's been telling me that for literally 20 years straight and go to Burning Man, which I still haven't done. You know, I just didn't. And there's I had all these opportunities, but something in me just kept falling, keeping me in New York, and now you can be an artist anywhere. But even being famous for the Dell thing. It was scary because I thought I couldn't use my skills I didn't have I had the limiting belief of this commercial work cannot be a true artist. And then I heard a panel with Tim Robbins, Susan Sarandon, and one other brilliant actor, a Scottish older guy. One of the things that someone asked Susan Sarandon about typecasting. And Yulia, I'm coming full circle here. Susan said, you know, if you get typecast for something, own it and milk it for all it's worth because if you're good at doing something and you're working, only 2% of entire actors out of 100% of people are working. So if you're working and you're doing something you're good, typecast own it, but it was a little too late for me that, like, was arrested shortly after, and it all ended and I was blackballed. And I kept working, but no one ever saw it. For like 10 years, I actually worked more than ever.
Yulia Laricheva 28:53 What projects did you work on?
Ben Curtis 28:55 Well, right away, I booked my first lead role on a feature film, was an independent feature film a psychological thriller called Spy: The Movie. And I played a surveillance specialist who fell in love with this woman who was helping spy on who's this nerdy guy we're in the tech world and I got to learn about all these spy cameras. I use my rock climbing skills to like in the movie I did most of my own stunts and special ends climbing up into things and walls and upside down and I got to do my own fight scene on a moving flatbed truck. I was in it with Vinnie Pastore who's Big Pussy and Sopranos. Frank Vincent, from Goodfellas. It's still out there that you can buy it on Amazon. It was shot in like HD video and that was gonna try to be cool then but it didn't quite work, you know, but it's good. An interesting movie. I also was starting to audition for Broadway roles. I was up for the Shane Munga and take me out on Broadway in the original and almost got that almost got Terminator three as well. Almost booked Party Monster like final callbacks for all these things. 911 happened I produced my own show and it was a play I'd seen in college that blew me away. And it was in response to 911, Americans were angry and wanted to bomb anyone that looks Arabic or Muslim more, you know, and just so much hate. And so we did this play by Israel Horovitz called "Indian Wants The Bronx.
Yulia Laricheva 30:23 He was on my podcast. Yeah, I'm a friend of Israel.
Ben Curtis 30:27 Really?
Yulia Laricheva 30:27 And he was like my third or fourth. Oh my god. Yeah. So if you go back in the archives, I have this amazing one yes with Israel. Horovitz, but then he had like, some Me Too stuff on him. So I was kind of like, do I remove it? And then I was like, No, I think I'm gonna keep it up. Because this is a conversation that happened. And, you know, he's, he is a friend of mine, and I respect his work. He's my favorite playwright. So I was like, I'm just, I'm just gonna leave it up. So there's a great conversation with Israel Horovitz, you can go back in the podcast, and listen to it.
Ben Curtis 30:42 Oh, I can't wait to hear it. I can't wait to hear it. And I'd seen his work in the south and I had heard of him. And I was a huge Beastie Boys fan. So his son is Adam or Ad Rock from the Beastie Boys. And that was like, super cool. And then I found out he and I both were working with Abrams Artists. So I was like, oh my god, I get to email him personally and ask him for permission to do his play. He didn't get to see it that night, actually, for some reason, so wild and it ran off-Broadway in New York. And then we took it to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, and it's about an Irish and a Jewish kid in the Bronx to kind of take this Indian man hostage just because he doesn't speak English. And he's Indian. And it's really intense. And we use J. David Brimmer this fight choreographers, directed by Bill Balzac, who I met at Strasberg. I put together my star team, I started it in Al Pacino's role he was he actually got his breakout role as Murph off-Broadway in 1976.
Yulia Laricheva 32:01 Yeah, I was gonna say that was what launched Al Pacino.
Ben Curtis 32:04 Yeah, yeah, exactly. And a lot of people don't know about this. It's beautiful, it's a powerful work of art. And it's really kind of it's pretty messed up. And it was like, my dad was a civil rights leader, his as he could be as a white man, gay, white man in the south. And my mom's worked with refugees and until rights to so, I've always felt moved to do these kinds of things and to speak up for minorities as well. And then just the injustice I saw. And we actually took this plane and did really well. And the courage for an Indian man to step in that role where he was abused night after night, you know, and the trust we built together, caught him Porter, he played the role and he was phenomenal. So that was, that was another work I did, I started getting voiceover roles for Rockstar Games. I'm the voice of Damon in Bully, which is now like a really famous game of theirs. I got the Off-Broadway role of joy, which was about coming out during the Clinton administration and freedom of sexuality. And another off-Broadway role. And another part of the forest is Lily in Helmand sequel to little foxes. So there's a lot of stuff going on. Oh and a new commercial. I did immediately another commercial my this guy was like, hey, my kid got arrested in high school for weed. Who cares? Did you get arrested? Who cares for weed-like people? Why come to be our spokesperson it was called games and flicks. There was a competitor of Netflix. And so I did like 10 commercials for them. They flew me to Miami and it did great and a lot of people didn't see it. Oh, and I co-produced and starred in a feature film opposite Richard Chamberlain and Jennifer Stevens called We Are The Hartman's and that's on Amazon. And that's a really awesome, beautiful, fun, powerful movie about supporting local arts and music and sort of the first occupation and Oranges Is The New Black and The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, it's awesome. The most recent things, and now the new Dell commercials 20 years later.
Yulia Laricheva 34:02 I love it, and love that we've been like, I've been trying to get you for this podcast for a while. And it was like I have to have been and then this happened. I was like, this is a perfect time. And I was gonna actually say that, like you are a cultural icon and you literally like shifted with the times, right? It's really interesting because when you were doing Dell, you know you got arrested for cannabis, purchasing cannabis. And then you know, the contract ended. And now cannabis is legal everywhere. And you're back.
Ben Curtis 34:32 Yeah and I found out Michael Dell was arrested in college and no one knew about it too. I'm planning to get him on my podcast.
Yulia Laricheva 34:40 It's, it's so interesting because Dell has advanced so much in the last, you know, 20 years or so as well that the whole world has advanced then to go from, you know, they were getting into the personal computer space and that's what you help them transition into because they were selling to governments and they needed somebody to kind of like represent a domestic face for the brand that helped like kids, and their parents, you were the bridge to help parents make a decision. You know, like, Dude, you're getting a Dell. And now, you know, like, I love this new commercial that opens up with you and space. And that's where Dell was going. But you know, so it's literally like, everybody is like, going on to the next level, and life has changed. And it's like, the circle of life.
Ben Curtis 35:25 Yeah, it was such a gift. I'm so excited to be working with Dell. It was a partnership. I always loved working with Dell. And I got to meet Michael Dell a long time ago, and they treated me really well. And it was, you know, as I was frustrated that the way it affected my career, you know, but at the same time, they had a no drug policy. And it was for all their employees, and it was illegal back then. And that's a shame, right? It's something that a lot of college students go through, and it wasn't dealing or try and doing anything bad. I will quote my father and that "I got arrested in style." In a kilt with no underwear, which most people don't know because my Scottish girlfriend was visiting. And my best friends, it was my best friend Rob Signum his birthday, and he had his kilt as well. And that was wild. And that kept me out of your cell for a while to my other friend. Underwear. Then I started getting taunted by police officers. And then I befriended a heroin addict coming off of heroin, who told me all about his son, who was my age, and he had a really amazing wake-up call in front of me, with me. And that got me starting to think about the play. And that's how I started writing “Dude, you're getting a cell.” And I just kept getting in my own way. I got arrested two more times that the public doesn't know about. I had a DUI, PTSD from 911, which was in the middle of the Dell campaigns. I lived in ground zero. Yeah, yeah. And it was a lot of process at that age, including the fame including the money including it just, yeah, it really messed me up. i The trauma, especially from that and being on diagnosed and then getting like, really my addiction and alcoholism flared up, I didn't know I had that. It was really, I wanted help. I always asked for help to really turn my life around. And those were some dark places to get out of, and it took like 10 years, but writing about it. And starting to do that play in that healing process, I realized that actually, I went to this coaching program at Landmark Education and, and landmark does a lot of like personal growth and development workshops and courses. And it really gave me some amazing tools. And one of the tools I got in the sphere exercise that I still use to this day, and I teach is, you know, you get to release something and talk about your story that you know, and I realized I used to share like I'm a victim of 911 as a badge of honor, almost every interview, I'd start with that. And the reason I bring it up now is that I was carrying all that weight with me and all that trauma and pain. And I thought I had to suffer as an artist. And then I had to wear that. But someone actually wants to coach in that in that room in that space. And that time said, Do you want to, like let go of this. And I leave, I didn't even know how but they gave me permission. And it took a few tries. But suddenly I started to let go. And a whole new world opened up. And I started and as I got sober, I started to see like, you know, I was at Landmark and they were talking about integrity every day. And I was like, oh my god, I'm putting a lot of alcohol in my body. And you know, I'm a yogi and a runner, like look at how I'm poisoning myself literally in the amount of weed I'm smoking and cigarettes sometimes. And like, it just didn't like it was such a missing it was so weird. And so I brought that integrity conversation and I got sober and I couldn't write at all and my relationships were ending and changing and I felt blocked. And then suddenly something started to happen. And suddenly blossom inside of me. And I started to feel so free, like broke free of gender and sexuality, and the woman who's now my wife came into my life and I started writing music more than ever and creating more than ever and working more than ever and rediscovering and redefining myself and now I'm helping other people do the same. And I realized there are just tools and it's all willing to lose the freedom from suffering. And so I realized I had been suffering and I was the only person in my way that the whole time and that it can be a choice and once you have the tools and access to that there's so much freedom that can come and it can take time right we have this like program suffering as humans and you know, they even talked about what is it white fragility and things like ways we try to suffer to be martyrs and it's just not cute or cool. It's like a victim and like you can get clear and free of that and a coach helped me do that. And people have helped me crush those beliefs as an artist and it's free, really helped me thrive. And so now I want to give all those gifts away to other people and share about this, you know, unapologetic.
Yulia Laricheva 40:07 Well, you know, it's also like, it's almost like going to acting school, right? Like if you've never gone to acting school, like, you know how everybody always cries an acting class, like somebody, there's always somebody crying in class because something triggers them. And, and, one, it's designed to be a safe space where you can cry and work through that and let that out. Right? True. Yes, thank you for pointing that out, too. But it's a place that like, if you've never entered the acting class for like six months, I don't mean just for the day where, you know, there are these transformational workshops for the day, they can do a lot of great work, but if you really — my God, if everyone took an acting course and let their emotion this, every American had to wait tables for two years, just like you know, it's like we all to be in the service and oh my god, right. I think just dealing with people and also like, doing improv, I think improv is amazing for companies and people just being able to connect with people being able to collaborate with people.
Ben Curtis 41:06 Right, going back to co-creating, right, you have to listen. You have to listen, you get to add it's a yes. And conversation. It's not a no, but it's, you get to add value to each other. And it's a positive affirming practice. And you learn to respect other people besides yourself. Imagine, imagine that.
Yulia Laricheva 41:28 So I'm always like this, because, you know, like, I go into different companies. I'm a freelance creative director, but I studied acting for like eight years, like myself and stuff like that. So, and I studied improv and, you know, you go in, and you see the same archetypes playing over and over again, you go into companies, and you see the same dynamics playing out and the themes that people's faces change. But you have the same issues coming up, like, Okay, this team isn't working well, lets you know, okay, somebody's blockage in some way. But I'm like, Oh if I can give you the gift of just like releasing the ego, the work will get better. Like just like, go instead of trying to grasp, like, Oh, let go. And that's when the magic happens. And I love that, that you're doing that as a life coach and helping people manifester.
Ben Curtis 42:13 Well, now, I'm calling myself a creation coach. I think life coach has this, you know, I want to re-contextualize life coaches is great, but you know, it is all life, but it's really creation. And it's all in relationships. So now I'm a creation coach because you can create anything, and you cannot create yourself so true. And if you can create it and think about it, you can dream it. I called myself a Dream Maker coach for a while too, I thought that was maybe a bit audacious or something, you know, are, like, presumptive, but I, you know, why not? I just said, I started declaring things I just try things on, like, what sounds great, what lights me up, what would be exceptional, you know, thing to provide the people in your dreams that you love to be through, you know, there's so many weeks, we eat so much, we were the first ones to poop all over dreams. And oftentimes, it's to try to stay safe or fit into some box that we think is going to provide safety and validation. And it's all made up just like money, something we agree on a piece of paper, energy.
Yulia Laricheva 43:14 Now it's true, I still have an acting coach named Deena Levy. And she was like one of these amazing coaches that like if you're starting out, you go with her and her classes, and she said this line that said: "You are your own prisoner." And that always stuck with me, right? Because it's like you're getting in your own way. You're your own prisoner.
Ben Curtis 43:29 That's what "Dude, you're getting a cell" was about that. Like, what if the cell was was unlocked the whole time. You're the only person keeping yourself inside, you have to do step out. And if you don't have the keys, let me give you lots of different ways.
Yulia Laricheva 43:43 Just imagine you can and it appears. If you imagine things, they kind of appear. And like I know I sound crazy when I talk about them. But like once you imagine, they might not appear right away, they might take six months, they might take 10 years, but they appear. Then it's like if you can see it, it can come true.
Ben Curtis 44:02 That's manifestation work and as I call it, and something I teach, and it's actually I have a free manifestation, meditation, and exercise. It's like five minutes or less, I believe on my YouTube and all my things like my link tree and scram guy, give it away all the time. So if you ever joined my mailing list, you got it. So just want to share this because it's been so freely shared with me and to me, whether you believe it or not, let's talk about is a law of science. And if matters are neither created nor destroyed, and you can envision it, then you can literally create it, you can cause it if you take one action that action has a reaction. And if that action is starting to think of and imagine it, what you're literally doing is putting your body in the meditation, maybe some close to theta brainwave state, and you're actually your consciousness doesn't really know the difference between that which you dream and manifest and meditate on and what's actually happening. That's why sometimes our dreams can distort our reality and vice versa. So, if you can dream that, Yulia you're right, I believe that actually you create the access for it to happen. And it's the part of you consider if you if you're listening, there's something that you want that you don't have. Ask yourself, you know, is there any part of you that's unwilling to receive it? And why is there something, are you because maybe you're actually in the way maybe there's some limiting belief you have about yourself, like, if you want to be a millionaire, be a millionaire, right? Or have a million dollars? Like, have you ever thought about what that would actually feel like? Like? How would you use that energy of money and it wouldn't just be something new font, like a million dollars can actually go really quickly. So maybe, how would you invest it? What would it look like? Who could profit from it? Or how would that feel and invite the positive energy and suddenly, you're literally creating Dopamine every time you think about money rather than stress, and chemical for stress. Cortisol and, and, you know, you're creating Dopamine, instead of Cortisol, you're creating the thing that's gonna have you thrive and sort of kill you. Right? I'm just a big advocate of it's, it sounds like if it sounds woo-woo to you, that it's actually pure science, and we can prove it now, thanks to like, all the studies and research we've done, but if you believe in metaphysics, and, and life and, and law and or divinity, or God or whatever, like, you know, there's access as numbers. And what if the universe is working in favor? Yeah. And intuition, which you can ask to have, you're like, oh, I'm not intuitive. Really? Have you ever, like, asked and started to listen to your own intuition or ask questions about your intuition, or ask someone who helps people through intuition. You know, like, some of the work I do to help guide you, you know, there are tools to access this. Everyone's a beautiful creature with so many gifts that you can have.
Yulia Laricheva 46:59 And you also have a section on your site about, transforming your depression into joy, which I think is so fabulous, too, because it's about giving yourself permission. I mean, once okay, you also start talking about like, you can dip into, like chemicals and chemical imbalances and stuff like that. And that's, that goes into like a different territory. But, you know, with just being in a funk, sometimes, especially as a creative, you know, as a creative, we have a lot of different emotions, a lot of good swings, I think it's so important to help people bring more joy into their life. And I was gonna ask you to, like, maybe expand on it a little bit more like, you know, what are some tools that you get people who might be going through a rough patch? Who can't seem to find that joy?
Ben Curtis 47:42 So I'll give you specific tools. And I want to say something, want to clarify something you said, tease it out about, like, you know, well, yeah, you can have chemical stuff or, you know, like mental illness or something. That's a whole nother thing. Actually, a lot of my clients have been diagnosed with some type of mental illness or disorder. A lot of creatives have been I had a teacher and art teacher, I was diagnosed, add some agent, he added, and I was sharing with him. And he was like, you know, I think everyone should take medicine and be like, at school were the most creative people, you know, and this energy, and I heard a recent thing with Dave Grohl, and they're like, what's wrong with you that you had to draw him he was like, nothing, my childhood was fine. I just had energy and it was needed. I was a horrible student. But there's nothing wrong with me my late learning ability was through this different language. And it didn't look like a school structure have to sit at a test, which is a very specific style of learning which aka most by the way, most of us don't have a very specific way of human, you know, they created testing, and it actually is not always effective or correct. And so he learned he had this other gift that was music, and he could speak the language through that. And then he thrived. His mom was actually a school teacher, and he was the worst student there. So there are all these things like where are we not giving ourselves permission and learning to honor our own gifts and think outside the box I've dealt I have for generations on both sides of my family of clinical depression. So I talked about it my dad is a survivor of sexual abuse. And I guess, you know, you want to say like physical abuse to through like, you know, corporal punishment, and how he used to punish kids and stuff, with beatings and switches and sticks and things. And he didn't realize that he was also a gay man, and really closeted through that and suppressed and loved, you know, my mother and the family, but it's a part of himself that he had killed off that he got to live later in life. And my mom's father committed suicide. My parents were in therapy and on medication and I was in therapy growing up, you know, is like, I just always talked about these things. And we can have chemical dependencies, but the one or its differences, but the one thing that works with every single person I work so here comes the tools, no matter who you are, whether you have a background of that or not. By the way through the pandemic, we have, we're all connected for the first time in the entire world together. Whether you're aware of it or not, chances are you have been in the past currently, or will be involved with some kind of grief, as your life has changed. And as processes change, even if your life is thriving, the world is changing and things have died off. And it's important to give our small self space and time to grieve. And if those funks are there to listen to them to not make them wrong, and push them down and try to push through work to actually ask What is this here to teach me? Am I nurturing this? Do I have tools to take care of myself on a daily basis, many of us do not? And actually, especially men, which is who I'm working with a lot of the time because women have been given more permission to go to each other and hold each other and be vulnerable to each other and give each other tools and men are not we're still not even talking about our own pain and relationships. And I even include that myself, I say this out loud to continue to hold myself accountable. So the tools that worked are authenticity, and just being invulnerability right with those two concurred. So that doesn't mean the absence of fear just means having fear and taking action anyway, that could be asking for help is such a powerful, amazing tool and consider that if you ask for help, that you're giving someone else the opportunity to be of service to you. And that may give them such an amazing gift. Think about all the people you help on a daily basis. And maybe when's the last time you ask someone to contribute to you? Are you one of those people? They're like, No, no, no, no. You know, that gets annoying people actually want to contribute to you. So you can ask for that. People love to give advice. Are you kidding me? What advice you post something like on Facebook, you asked me Vaizey like 10 million answers, people love to give advice.
Yulia Laricheva 51:48 And the thing that you know becoming a mom has made me vulnerable. Because I've always been like, I've been an only child. I'm always like, I've been working since I was 14 and very self-independent, like doing my own thing. Boom, boom, boom, never asked for help. And then having a baby just completely —
Ben Curtis 52:01 That's probably the nature in which you had to survive, right? You had to not ask for help in order to survive.
Yulia Laricheva 52:08 Yeah. And so it was just like, Okay, I've been on my own. A condition that made you be a loner. And that's worked for you. And then you have a baby. And then you're like, oh, I need like, a whole entire ecosystem. Like I can't raise a baby on my own. I need like my mom, I need my husband. I need like everybody. So it's been like, it's been a humbling lesson in humility because I was like "Hey, I'm a Creative Director. How hard can raising a baby?" I've done so many hard things before and holy hell I was unprepared.
Ben Curtis 52:39 And if you had to, will consider that you are prepared in some way. I mean, none of us are ever I've never heard parents say they were fully prepared for what?
Yulia Laricheva 52:46 Right? Yeah.
Ben Curtis 52:47 So I have a lot of sympathy for that sounds like it was humbling. And Yulia consider that you could have said "I could have never done on my own." I bet if you had to, you absolutely could have survived as a single mom, you know. Your body would have figured it out, your brain would have figured it out. You would have done anything to protect your child and keep it safe and ask for help. It sounds like. And that sounds like something you really did. And you're able to lean on your community and ask for community and say, you know, I don't want to do this alone. You know, and I don't have to. So I want to acknowledge you for that.
Yulia Laricheva 53:18 It's, it's, it's an interesting step. Because it's like, oh, like, now I'm in a new role. Okay. All right, cool. But I want to focus on me, this isn't about me, it's about you.
Ben Curtis 53:28 Well, it's about all of us. So I just want to reflect that on you. Because if for anyone who's listening, who's a mom, you know, or dad or whomever to know about this, and that's okay to ask for help. So that's what I was talking about. The other tool is to get out of your head and into action. So there's a great, great quote I love, you can't think your way into the right action. You can only act your way into right thinking. So if your thinking is distorted or not serving you, if it's down to too low, to start, you can take one action, that action if you're always used to taking an action, whether it's to eat something or to drink something, or to watch something or to you know, if it's a dream, if it's like to numb out like maybe your action is to not take an action, right maybe it's not to pick up your phone right away. Maybe it's not to look at porn tonight. Maybe it's not to go comfort or shop maybe it's just to sit with that feeling. That's an action. Yeah. And if you're used to sitting in it, and you have you know, I have a lot of clients who have really intense negative thought loops that they feel stuck in, especially those who lean more towards like bipolarity and, and those thought processes or things we're told are disorders is actually like these, these incredible brains that do amazing things like you know, if you get caught in those loops, the greatest interrupter is action. So one of the things that I've done my entire life Well as I move my body, you know, I was a hyperactive kid I had to but my mom did a great thing. She would just be like, Nah, go outside, be like, she's like, I don't care if you just start to push me out. And then even sure enough when I got sober in my mid-20s, and I would have these freakouts and panic attacks. I'm like, what's going on? Turns out I just had energy and my dad would yell at me what I'd come to visit and be like, I don't know what's wrong. He's like, is there a fire outside? You know, and sure enough, I go for a run and I'd come back and be like, Dad, you will believe in a field amazing I had all these good ideas he like Yeah, I know. I know. And it's one even I, it was a built-in forgetter but when I would drink too much or have been really hungover my anxiety would be super bad. And even my friend who I used to drink with one of the things I did really well is we would call each other when one of us was having a panic attack. He lived down the road in Williamsburg and we just go run, we'd run McCarren Park, we'd play tennis even if we are smoking weed and freaking out we move like we play tennis we inside the winter, like on the Nintendo and we just move our bodies and sweating is a great thing. So anything to get your heart rate up and to sweat, cold showers and amazing thing I take a cold shower every single morning for at least 30 seconds or more because I learned that watching when it's Paltrow on Goop talking about Wim Hof and being out in the cold and I heard a mom say that she had panic attacks every day. And this was at right before the pandemic started. We were in January 2020 My God and I was terrified. And I was really struggling with sobriety I was really struggling with anxiety and depression. And she said, You know, I just started taking a cold bath for two minutes a day. And literally, my panic attack stopped. I can't remember the last time I had when I was like, What the hell like I've heard a lot of stuff. But like really, and it's it's simple exposure therapy, it's science, you expose your body to stress and shock over time. Now my body craves a cold shower, sometimes it's weird. And I still take a hot one, but I just make my last 30 seconds that and I breathe. And I use it as a chance to like really in my breath. And so all these tools I give to my clients and then simple exercises to interrupt it. So if you watch my YouTube video, it's like a one or two-minute exercise on how to create more joy in your life or turn your depression around in 60 seconds or less. And it's literally an exercise of its check-in inventory. It's a sec security approval control. So I just think of it like I set a timer three times a day. And when I'm doing it having a hard time. And at those times I asked myself do I feel secure right now? Am I safe? Am I actually safe? Yes. Okay, or No, I don't have approval on my loving or approving of myself right now. No, wow, how could I be more loving? And let's look at that and control? Am I in control of everything? I could be in control right now. Yes or no? And maybe, like, do I need to go out and run? Do I need to just like get some work done? Do I need to just accept that I'm not in control and surrender? And then the last one is to celebrate no matter what you do. The biggest thing I have is this is like to Ababa and celebrate the awareness and it's weird. And it's like, whoa, and how many adults have a hard time celebrating? I'm like, like, Yeah, I'm like, yo, they're like, my family. I'm like your family. Oh, god forbid your family hears you happy. You know, like you're trying to teach your kids to never express joyfully like what the hell. So if you get in your body, and you stand up, okay, I'm doing all this to lead by example. But it's literally huge reprogram your brain, my whole nervous system has changed and you literally start to choose joy and you reprogram your brain. My coach made me skip and giggle for five minutes a day, every day for a week. And by the end of the week, I couldn't even think about giggling without naturally giggling and my nervous system changed. My depression turned around my anxiety lessened. And I give this to everyone including soldiers with PTSD. You know, you can rethink your brain, your brain as neuroplasticity. And so there are all these different great ways so I have so many tools that I give away to people. The greatest tools are one movement, out of your head and the action to acceptance or compassion through three, practice, practice choosing joy practice, writing a gratitude list, practice, taking a shower practice, speaking kindly to yourself. And then for ask for help. And you can ask a friend to hold you accountable. Like to check in Hey, how are you talking to yourself today? Call your texts each other. Hold some accountability to do what you love. Ask someone to support you. Someone else could use some support to pick up the phone again and ask them for Help is one of the greatest acts of courage and service and self-love, and you deserve to be loved and have these tools.
Yulia Laricheva 57:00 I love that that is such a great message. And I was gonna ask you the final question, which is what is your dream as an adult?
Ben Curtis 58:00 It would be to be known as a founder of the modern masculinity movement is that the lines then it's a program on your lines then as a program, but my dream as an adult is to be known as a founder of the new modern masculinity movement. I just created that from nothing inspired by other men, but that's, I'm rebranding right now and I just the word that's kept coming, my head is a movement. And I have a weekly podcast called Divine Masculine Mondays, which I'm going to be turning into The Dude Show, and which women are also going to be on, we're going to talk about masculinity and redefining masculinity, I teach workshops, monthly and upon requests called the Renaissance men, where I teach men different ways of being men permission to take the lead off, I'm also teaching a something called Humanity. And it's for women to work with things around masculinity as well. And support more conversations and spaces for vulnerability. And how I'd like to see that expressed is that you know, somehow in statistics, I can figure out that I've saved 10,000 men from committing suicide this year, men still have the highest rate of suicide because of not having access to these tools. And that's why I'm starting my podcast "Dude, you're getting well." It's not just to interview men, but it's just to talk to people who we look up to who we aspire to, you know, like, great for lifting artists and musicians, actors, CEOs, entrepreneurs, investors, you know, founders, leaders of civil rights, and an everything about their challenges internally, or mentally along the way, uncover mental health, emotional struggles that we all deal with, and also to see how they take care of themselves as they grow their empire, or as they grow their dreams. And I really live my dream, and I want to help other people do the same. And I want to be known as someone who helps redefine what masculinity means. It's not even about men anymore. I don't even want to use gender. But it's about creating new spaces for leadership. And that masculinity could also include the feminine, and how can we make more spaces for women or people who feel like they have to be masculine in order to work in this world? Like, how can we marry the two.
Yulia Laricheva 1:02:56 Or non-binary, or womxn, or whatever?
Ben Curtis 1:02:59 Right? Well, I say masculine-feminine, because I believe we all have those energies inside of us. It's like our Yin Yang is dark and light or dark is our darkness is so important and beautiful. Like, can we not hide from that? You know, the other thing is, like, one of those action things you can do of the now a fifth thing you know about like writing and creating, I mean, that's an action. But if you have darkness, like talk about it, write about it, share about it, you'll find, you know, I really have clients are so afraid to share their work about their struggles, but I know like as soon as they do, it's going to help so many people and they're going to receive all the affirmation and validation they've been afraid of because it's that like, Oh, what if I'm not received great artists deal with that entrepreneurs need to deal with that? Like, what if this like falls on deaf ears? What if no one invests in this? What if this doesn't take off? What if I can't do it? What if I can't be a mom? Right? But are we willing to ask, like, how can we make it happen? Can we do that together? And can we create more spaces for people to lead and be self-expressed however they want and however that looks like and just make more? I believe we can unlock all of this key is through vulnerability, and honesty, you know, if you can talk about how you're feeling you may be giving yourself and someone else a gift. Because all people have complex feelings. And we all deserve to know how to love ourselves. And that's the greatest gift we could ever give any partner and or any relationship we're all in a relationship. Even if you're not in a relationship, consider that you're in a relationship with everyone you know, and the person that delivers your mail and their landlord or all that stuff. He's getting a Christmas gift for me. I'm getting. I'm getting framed and a little gift. It's like you know, like going back to old neighborhoods and like knowing people then like having interaction and like having connections with people One thing my dad taught me is great. And my mom, too. They have both been bullied. But my dad, especially like a sensitive man attracted other men in the south in the 1940s, in Memphis, Tennessee, he said, you know, together, right? Oh my gosh, I'm like, I haven't been dipping into it. Because it's like, it's just, it's another podcast, I'm sharing about along the way. It's my dad's who's my best friend. And still, as I carry him with me, and he passed away this year while I was leading the lion's den, my first men's group. Amazing, because I really lead Thank you. But I've become a leader of that invulnerability in my heart because of him because I had a father who said, it's okay to be sensitive. And I had a mother who said, it's okay to be sensitive. That was awesome. When women were in my own life, were not telling me it was okay to be sensitive, we spend most of our time at school, you know, with our peers that are toxic as F and you know, and even our parents can be our home, life's can be toxic. So I realized I had a really extraordinary experience as a child parents like that nurtured vulnerability in me, and a father that led so my father passed away these men in the program, it's the only thing I could show up for was my Lion's Den, which is the 10-week program for 10 men, it's a safe space where men can help each other, take the arrows out, take the armor off, and redefine re-empowered reprogram ourselves for more love, compassion, vulnerability, abundance, and freedom. And these men ended up carrying me that week, and I was able to show up to lead them while my dad was passing away. And that's also why I'm able to still be today, you know, I tap into that source and that energy and I allowed my heartbreak, to actually, I allowed my heart breaks to allow my heart to open. And I've continued to share about my grief publicly, I learned how to cope with it in a healthy way and share those tools I learned to share about my anxiety and how I cope with that publicly. So I think, you know, the more we talk about it, the more we give other people permission to do the same, to dream, right, and to dream to just let yourself feel, and, and let yourself have feelings. That's why I'm so excited about this. You're such a generous spirit and energy. And I find myself just speaking so freely, and at length, because I feel very seen and heard and safe and loved. And, you know, it didn't happen then. But we're like revisiting and to see people doing what they love and raising a family proudly, and for a mom, you know, to be, for you to lead the way you do for women.
Yulia Laricheva 1:07:50 It's a safe space for someone to just like, tune in, you know, like, it's in the privacy of your earbuds, you just listen to a conversation, or you can like to share it to a friend, or you can just come on the podcast and share it. And then I was gonna say you're always welcome on the show. Like, I know you and I can talk for hours. And there's so much more that we haven't talked about. So you're always welcome. Awesome. Well, thank you so much for taking the time and we talked for like, an hour, we had some technical difficulties. But thank you so much for all the work that you're doing. And I'm so excited about everything.
Ben Curtis 1:09:27 Thank you. And I want to have you on my show. So you'll be hearing from me soon.
Yulia Laricheva 1:09:45 Awesome.
Ben Curtis 1:09:20 I loved it. I could talk with you all day. Literally. So thank you for being such a generous listener. And I really hope that I've made a difference for someone. I would love to know, let's put this out there. You can follow me on @BenCurtisOfficial you can look me up on anywhere, I really welcome. I try to communicate with everyone who reaches out to me. I do my best to do that. And I have a lot of opportunities to put out love. Look out for the "Dude You're Getting Well" Podcast and if something resonated here, please share it with someone. Please let us know. Share it with someone it can make a difference for. Or if it made value for you. Because that's what really helps heal the world, is sharing the medicine that's helped us. Yulia I really appreciate you sharing your time.
Yulia Laricheva 1:09:23 It's all one family. Thank you so much Ben. Thank you for being on the show and we'll keep in touch. I think my baby is wilding out. She's like "Whhhhhhaaaaaa." Thank you for being on the show and I loved speaking with you. So have a wonderful day and keep in touch. Same here. Please stay in touch. Take care. Goodnight. Byyyeee. Bye Ben. Goodnight.